The Letter
by Littleguinea
Summary: How can he tell her how he really feels about their relationship? Jack and Sam all the way!


**A/N:** This is set amidst the Season 7 episode "Believe Me" so if you're spoiler free then I wouldn't read any further and if you haven't seen the episode then I don't expect it will make a lot of sense to you. Thanks go to Justine and Diane who put up with me and make sure that my writing is worth reading!

**Disclaimer:** The usual really, I don't own any of the characters or the series unfortunately. The lyrics used in the story were written by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne, no copyright infringement is intended.

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**The Letter**

By

littleguinea

He knew, as he contemplated putting pen to paper, that this probably wasn't the best idea he'd ever had. But there were so many things that he needed to get over to her that he just couldn't say face to face. Their relationship had been going well; Jack had decided to let Sam take control of the reigns and it was working…but now this.

Today he had found out that Finn's father wanted to be part of his son's life. The idea had gripped Jack by the throat and almost squeezed the life out of him. This wasn't a development in their relationship that he had expected or prepared himself for. He naively thought he had dealt with Brian, but the guy was obviously a tough cookie, and however much Jack might want to finish the job properly, he would never do that to Sam… or Finn. She had looked him in the eye and told him that she wanted everything to work out. That's what he wanted too; he stared down at the blank paper in front of him, took hold of his pen and began to write…

_Dear Samantha,_

_Don't worry; this letter isn't what you think it is._

_You know I'm not very good at telling you how I feel and this was the only way I could think of to let you know._

_Since our talk earlier today, I haven't been able to think of anything else but you. _

_You said you want this to work out and that is what I want more than anything, because you mean everything to me, and I don't know what I'd do without you._

_I won't lie to you, it makes me very uneasy knowing that Brian will be around you and Finn, but I respect the fact that you are doing what is right for your son, and I trust your judgment; you know that. _

_I've never really told you how you make me feel; when you walk into a room, right away it becomes brighter; when you smile at me, I feel like I'm the only person there; and when you touch me, I just want you so much. You are perfect and there isn't a day goes by when I don't wonder why you have any interest in me, especially after all these years._

_I have no right to be given a second chance. I've hurt you so many times._

_You know that when I care about somebody I find it difficult to be there for them, but somehow you've made me realize that I am actually a better person than I think I am. Okay, I know I get far too angry and often I channel that anger in the wrong direction, but with your help I am starting to act like a mature adult… finally._

_What I really want to say is that I just don't want this to end and I'm scared, Sam. Scared that you're going to get tired of me and all my issues. There are still a lot of things in my past that you don't know, things that I've only really just come to terms with myself, but these are the things that I want to share with you, so that maybe you'll understand why I do the things I do sometimes._

_I feel like I'm baring my soul to you and maybe that's actually what I'm trying to do._

_Part of me thinks that writing this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done; my writing skills have never been great. But, Sam, I want you to know that you are beautiful… and I love you and I will always be there for you and Finn._

_Yours always,_

_Jack_

Jack put down the pen and gazed out of his office towards where she was sitting. She was working away at her laptop, going through the latest missing person's credit card statements.

Oh, well, no time like the present he thought. If he didn't do this now, then he would surely just rip the letter up or, better still, shred it. He placed it in an envelope, sealed it and wrote _Samantha_ on the front.

As he approached her, she looked up and Jack could see that she looked a little tense. Although Sam knew that letting Finn see his father was the right thing to do, it still didn't make her feel any more comfortable about the whole thing.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey, how are you doing with the credit checks?" Jack enquired.

"Well, you know how it is, slow going, but I am starting to see a significant pattern building up here, and it looks like our guy was making some serious money from the St. Theresa statue," Sam replied.

"Good…" said Jack. "Look, I know we can't meet up tonight because of Finn and… er…"

"Yes, look I'm sorry about that," she interrupted, "but we did talk about this earlier and I thought you understood."

"I do. I was only going to say that we'll have to arrange something for later in the week," Jack said, trying to sound upbeat about the situation.

"Yeah, I know what you were going to say," returned Sam sharply. "I'm a bit busy now, gotta go and do an interview," she snapped as she walked away from her desk, leaving Jack feeling about as small as an ant on the sidewalk.

Part of him was surprised by her attitude, but he also recognized the fact that she wasn't altogether happy with Brian being back in their lives either.

He looked at the envelope in his hand and contemplated sticking it through the shredder after all. After a minute or so, he kneeled down at her desk. She nearly always kept her handbag in the bottom drawer. She had a locker like everyone else, but very few of the agents actually used them for their personal belongings. He opened the fastener and placed the letter in her bag where he knew she would find it when she got home.

With what seemed like the weight of the world on his shoulders, Jack returned to his office. He slumped back down in his chair.

A lot of people had been convinced that the tears that the statue of St. Theresa had been shedding were genuine, and now that he was so good at letter writing he thought it couldn't do any harm to write a little note for the statue, and later he would take it along to where the statue was being stored. He still couldn't help thinking, though, that St. Theresa really was going to have to perform a miracle if this was going to work out.

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After finishing off her interview, Sam returned to her desk. It was now a quarter past five and she'd arranged with Jack that she'd be leaving early. God, she was annoyed with him; she thought they'd come to an agreement earlier about Finn.

Gathering her things together, she put on her coat and headed out of the bullpen. As she passed Jack's office, she glanced in. He was on the phone, having what seemed to be a heated discussion with someone. Typical of him she thought, not that she had any intention of popping her head round the door anyway. She'd let him stew for a while and catch up with him later the following day.

Finally she got home. As she walked up the steps to her apartment building,she rummaged in her handbag for her keys. There beside her wallet she saw the letter. Pulling it out of her bag, she could see her name neatly printed on the envelope.

"What the…," she said out loud.

Quickly finding her keys, she turned the lock and hurried into her apartment.

Sam could hear the sound of Finn giggling, so she knew that he and Rosa were in his bedroom.

Without disturbing them, Sam ripped the envelope open, she knew by the handwriting that the letter had come from Jack.

As she started to read, she got an aching feeling in the pit of her stomach. God, she knew she shouldn't have been so harsh on him.

_But, Sam, I want you to know that you are beautiful… and I love you and I will always be there for you and Finn – _As she read the final sentence, she slumped into the nearest chair. He hadn't been going to have a go at her about Brian meeting up with Finn that night after all; he'd wanted to give her the letter and explain his feelings to her.

Right at that moment she felt about as low as she possibly could. Here, Jack had laid open his heart to her, and what had she done but make him feel a thousand times worse than she knew he would already feel, knowing that she and Finn would be entertaining Brian that night.

"Hiya, Samantha," Rosa chirped, as she came out of Finn's bedroom carrying him in her arms. "He's all bathed and smelling beautiful, ready to meet his daddy," she continued cheerily.

Sam had filled Rosa in on the plans, and she'd been happy that Finn was getting to see Brian. Rosa was very much a family person and thought it was important for a son to have a relationship with his father.

"Thanks, Rosa," replied Sam rather flatly.

"Is there anything wrong?" enquired Rosa.

"I've just made one of the biggest mistakes in my life," said Sam.

"What, letting little Finny see his daddy…no, no that's good," stated Rosa

"Not that, but now that you mention it I'm beginning to doubt my decision, no it's…oh, never mind, it's too complicated," Sam sighed.

"Well, I don't know, Samantha, but I have to get going; have fun tonight," said Rosa.

"Uh, thanks," Sam replied, as Rosa closed the door behind her.

What should she do, call Jack? –There was no time, as Brian would be arriving soon and she wanted to get out of her work gear into something more casual.

As she was changing, she kicked herself that she hadn't just been able to trust Jack for once and listen to what he had to say. She threw on her T-shirt, scooped Finn up and went back into the living room.

There was a knock on the door and Sam's heart sank. As she approached it, she hesitated briefly. What she wouldn't give for it to be Jack at the other side waiting to pull her in for a big hug, but she knew it wasn't… so, putting on her most convincing smile, she opened the door….

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It had seemed like Brian was never going to leave that evening, but she persuaded him that he had spent enough time with Finn for the first meet, so reluctantly he'd agreed to leave. Sam had been a little annoyed that it took more than one, less than subtle hint before he had finally decided to make a move.

She looked at her watch and saw that it was only a quarter to eight. Jack would only just have gotten home. She picked up the phone but quickly returned the receiver before the call was connected, speaking to him on the phone wouldn't resolve anything…she needed to see him, to hold him and to look him in the eyes and tell him what a dumb-ass mistake she'd made.

Finn was tired, so she changed him into his romper suit before wrapping him up in his coat. Gathering together everything she needed for her and Finn for an overnight stay, she stuffed it all into a bag. Then she picked Finn up and headed out to her car. The journey to Jack's wouldn't take long and Finn would be asleep before they got there, she just hoped that Jack wouldn't shut the door in their faces.

Walking up to his apartment, Sam hesitated. She saw the light on and knew he was home, but how would he react to them both showing up there. She had a key but felt that it would be inappropriate to use it given the circumstances, so finally she took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer.

The door opened and there stood Jack, a bemused look on his face, which swiftly turned to that of concern.

"Sam is everything okay, are you all right…Finn?" he asked, worry clear in his voice.

"Yes, we're fine, I just needed to see you, that's all," Sam replied. She could see the worry etched on his face and she quickly entered the apartment as he beckoned them in.

"Just let me sort Finn out; the travel bed is still in your spare room, right? I won't be long," said Sam.

Jack helped Sam into the spare room with Finn's things and took her hold-all and put it in his bedroom, as it looked like she'd be staying the night.

After Sam had settled Finn down, she went into the kitchen where Jack was busy making them a coffee. Sinatra was playing on his stereo. It never ceased to amaze Sam at how diverse his music collection was.

"Listen," she said "I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier today. I know now that you weren't going to give me a hard time about Brian," she continued.

"Ah…you read my letter then," Jack replied, obvious embarrassment sweeping across his face, "Anyway, how did it go tonight?" he asked, changing the subject.

"It was okay, but I _really_ don't want to talk about that, Jack; I've come here to talk about us," she said in a low voice.

Jack picked up the two coffees and directed Sam towards the sofa. Setting down the cups, he waited for Sam to sit before joining her.

"I didn't know how to tell you all those things to your face. When we spoke earlier today I wanted to be positive for you, but inside I just felt like it was going to be the end for us," Jack admitted.

"Jack, I'm so sorry – you know how I feel about you. I've told you so many times, and nothing is going to break us up this time," Sam's voice was starting to crack and tears began to well up in her eyes.

Seeing this, Jack stood up and taking her hand, he gently encouraged her to stand. He never felt comfortable dancing, but in that moment it just seemed the most natural thing in the world to do with Sam.

Sinatra's _Time after Time_ was playing softly.

He pulled her close to him, his arm taking a firm hold of her waist, his other hand still holding hers, rested on his chest. Ever so gently they started to sway to the music.

Their cheeks touched tenderly and Sam slowly lifted her head to stare into Jack's eyes. In that instant she could see the vulnerability all too clearly. Here was the man that she had loved for as long as she could remember and she was hurting him so badly. He had his own problems what with Hanna moving back in with him in a few weeks, and here she had doubted him and his sincerity.

She felt like she was about to break down just standing there staring into his eyes, that were now glistening. Seeing her anguish, Jack let go of her hand, and sweeping the hair away from her face with his finger, he put his hand on the back of her head and gently pulled her towards him until her forehead rested on his shoulder. Sam wrapped her arm around Jack and held him tightly. They stood there still moving slowly to the rhythm of the music. Finally putting his hand below Sam's chin, he lifted her head carefully until she looked into his eyes once more.

He leaned in and captured her lips with his. Kissing her tenderly, his arms encircled her and he pulled her in to him as closely as he could, never wanting to let her go.

And in the background they both heard the words:

_And time after time_

_You'll hear me say that I'm_

_So lucky to be loving you_

"What I find so difficult to say, Sam, is that I really love you…so much, and I need to be a part of your life," he said "and whatever happens in your life I'll be there to support you; I really want you to believe that," he whispered softly in her ear.

Raising her head so that she looked him straight in the eye, she said, "I know you will, Jack. I should never have doubted you."

Taking him by the hand, she led him back to the sofa and there they sat in each other's arms as they listened to the music playing quietly.


End file.
